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How to Win Friends & Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

Amazon link: How to Win Friends & Influence People

 

See: What do you want to be remembered for?

 

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This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies.

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated.

Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to “the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people.”

There’s nothing wrong with effective people skills, but its a good idea to test this assertion against stories that flow through the news.

Kodak, AOL, Yahoo …

Do you have a tested (against stories that flow through the news) work approach that is adequate to the challenges ahead?

What do you want to be remembered for? — bobembry

He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated.

He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated.

Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and “arousing in the other person an eager want.”

You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment.

For instance, “let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers,” and “talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.”

Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks.

—Joan Price

  • Contents

    • Preface to 1981 Edition by Dorothy Carnegie

    • How This Book Was Written—and Why by Dale Carnegie

    • Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book

    • PART ONE: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

      • "If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive"

      • The Big Secret of Dealing with People

      • "He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way"

    • PART TWO: Six Ways to Make People Like You

      • Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere

      • A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression

      • If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble

      • An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist

      • How to Interest People

      • How to Make People Like You Instantly

    • PART THREE: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

      • You Can't Win an Argument

      • A Sure Way of Making Enemies—and How to Avoid It

      • If You're Wrong, Admit It

      • A Drop of Honey

      • The Secret of Socrates

      • The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints

      • How to Get Cooperation

      • A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

      • What Everybody Wants

      • An Appeal That Everybody Likes

      • The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don't You Do It?

      • When Nothing Else Works, Try This

    • PART FOUR: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

      • If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

      • How to Criticize—and Not Be Hated for It

      • Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

      • No One Likes to Take Orders

      • Let the Other Person Save Face

      • How to Spur People On to Success

      • Give a Dog a Good Name

      • Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct Making People Glad to Do What You Want

    • A Shortcut to Distinction by Lowell Thomas

    • The Dale Carnegie Courses

    • Other Books

    • My Experiences in Applying the Principles Taught in This Book

    • Index

  • Major Principles

    • FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

      • PRINCIPLE 1 Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

      • PRINCIPLE 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.

      • PRINCIPLE 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want.

    • SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

      • PRINCIPLE 1 Become genuinely interested in other people.

      • PRINCIPLE 2 Smile

      • PRINCIPLE 3 Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

      • PRINCIPLE 4 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

      • PRINCIPLE 5 Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

      • PRINCIPLE 6 Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

    • WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

      • PRINCIPLE 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

      • PRINCIPLE 2 Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."

      • PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

      • PRINCIPLE 4 Begin in a friendly way.

      • PRINCIPLE 5 Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.

      • PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

      • PRINCIPLE 7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

      • PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

      • PRINCIPLE 9 Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

      • PRINCIPLE 10 Appeal to the nobler motives.

      • PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

      • PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.

    • BE A LEADER

      • A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

      • PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

      • PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

      • PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

      • PRINCIPLE 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

      • PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face.

      • PRINCIPLE 6 Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

      • PRINCIPLE 7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

      • PRINCIPLE 8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

      • PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Nine Suggestions to Get the Most Out of This Book

If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement, one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique.

Unless you have this one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little.

And if you do have this cardinal endowment, then you can achieve wonders without reading any suggestions for getting the most out of a book.


What is this magic requirement?

Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.


How can you develop such an urge?

By constantly reminding yourself how important these principles are to you.

Picture to yourself how their mastery will aid you in leading a richer, fuller, happier and more fulfilling life.

Say to yourself over and over: “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”


Read each chapter rapidly at first to get a bird’s-eye view of it.

You will probably be tempted then to rush on to the next one.

But don’t—unless you are reading merely for entertainment.

But if you are reading because you want to increase your skill in human relations, then go back and reread each chapter thoroughly.

In the long run, this will mean saving time and getting results.


Stop frequently in your reading to think over what you are reading.

Ask yourself just how and when you can apply each suggestion.


Read with a crayon, pencil, pen, magic marker or highlighter in your hand.

When you come across a suggestion that you feel you can use, draw a line beside it.

If it is a four-star suggestion, then underscore every sentence or highlight it, or mark it with “★★★★.”

Marking and underscoring a book makes it more interesting and far easier to review rapidly.


I knew a woman who had been office manager for a large insurance concern for fifteen years.

Every month, she read all the insurance contracts her company had issued that month.

Yes, she read many of the same contracts over month after month, year after year.

Why?

Because experience had taught her that that was the only way she could keep their provisions clearly in mind.


I once spent almost two years writing a book on public speaking and yet I found I had to keep going back over it from time to time in order to remember what I had written in my own book.

The rapidity with which we forget is astonishing.


So, if you want to get a real, lasting benefit out of this book, don’t imagine that skimming through it once will suffice.

After reading it thoroughly, you ought to spend a few hours reviewing it every month.

Keep it on your desk in front of you every day.

Glance through it often.

Keep constantly impressing yourself with the rich possibilities for improvement that still lie in the offing.

Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application.

There is no other way.


Bernard Shaw once remarked: “If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.”

Shaw was right.

Learning is an active process.

We learn by doing.

So, if you desire to master the principles you are studying in this book, do something about them.

Apply these rules at every opportunity.

If you don’t you will forget them quickly.

Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.


You will probably find it difficult to apply these suggestions all the time.

I know because I wrote the book, and yet frequently I found it difficult to apply everything I advocated.

For example, when you are displeased, it is much easier to criticize and condemn than it is to try to understand the other person’s viewpoint; it is frequently easier to find fault than to find praise; it is more natural to talk about what you want than to talk about what the other person wants; and so on.

So, as you read this book, remember that you are not merely trying to acquire information.

You are attempting to form new habits.

Ah yes, you are attempting a new way of life.

That will require time and persistence and daily application.


So refer to these pages often.

Regard this as a working handbook on human relations; and whenever you are confronted with some specific problem—such as handling a child, winning your spouse to your way of thinking, or satisfying an irritated customer—hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing.

This is usually wrong.

Instead, turn to these pages and review the paragraphs you have underscored.

Then try these new ways and watch them achieve magic for you.


Offer your spouse, your child or some business associate a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating a certain principle.

Make a lively game out of mastering these rules.


The president of an important Wall Street bank once described, in a talk before one of my classes, a highly efficient system he used for self-improvement.

This man had little formal schooling; yet he had become one of the most important financiers in America, and he confessed that he owed most of his success to the constant application of his homemade system.

This is what he does.

I’ll put it in his own words as accurately as I can remember.


“For years I have kept an engagement book showing all the appointments I had during the day.

My family never made any plans for me on Saturday night, for the family knew that I devoted a part of each Saturday evening to the illuminating process of self-examination and review and appraisal.

After dinner I went off by myself, opened my engagement book, and thought over all the interviews, discussions and meetings that had taken place during the week.

I asked myself:


“’What mistakes did I make that time?’


“’What did I do that was right-and in what way could I have improved my performance?’


“’What lessons can I learn from that experience?’


“I often found that this weekly review made me very unhappy.

I was frequently astonished at my own blunders.

Of course, as the years passed, these blunders became less frequent.

Sometimes I was inclined to pat myself on the back a little after one of these sessions.

This system of self-analysis, self-education, continued year after year, did more for me than any other one thing I have ever attempted.


“It helped me improve my ability to make decisions-and it aided me enormously in all my contacts with people.

I cannot recommend it too highly.”


Why not use a similar system to check up on your application of the principles discussed in this book?

If you do, two things will result.


First, you will find yourself engaged in an educational process that is both intriguing and priceless.


Second, you will find that your ability to meet and deal with people will grow enormously.


You will find at the end of this book several blank pages on which you should record your triumphs in the application of these principles.

Be specific.

Give names, dates, results.

Keeping such a record will inspire you to greater efforts; and how fascinating these entries will be when you chance upon them some evening years from now!

In order to get the most out of this book:

  1. Develop a deep, driving desire to master the principles of human relations.

  2. Read each chapter twice before going on to the next one.

  3. As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how you can apply each suggestion.

  4. Underscore each important idea.

  5. Review this book each month.

  6. Apply these principles at every opportunity. Use this volume as a working handbook to help you solve your daily problems.

  7. Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.

  8. Check up each week on the progress you are making. Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future.

  9. Keep notes in the back of this book showing how and when you have applied these principles.

 

“The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not turbulence; it is to act with yesterday’s logic”. — Peter Drucker


The shift from manual workers who do as they are being told — either by the task or by the boss — to knowledge workers who have to manage themselves ↓ profoundly challenges social structure

Managing Oneself is a REVOLUTION in human affairs.” … “It also requires an almost 180-degree change in the knowledge workers’ thoughts and actions from what most of us—even of the younger generation—still take for granted as the way to think and the way to act.” …

… “Managing Oneself is based on the very opposite realities: Workers are likely to outlive organizations (and therefore, employers can’t be depended on for designing your life), and the knowledge worker has mobility.” ← in a context

 

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These pages are attention directing tools for navigating a world moving toward unimagined futures.

It’s up to you to figure out what to harvest and calendarize
working something out in time (1915, 1940, 1970 … 2040 … the outer limit of your concern)nobody is going to do it for you.

It may be a step forward to actively reject something (rather than just passively ignoring) and then figure out a coping plan for what you’ve rejected.

Your future is between your ears and our future is between our collective ears — it can’t be otherwise. A site exploration starting point

 

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