Talk Less, Say More: Three Habits to Influence Others and Make Things Happen by Connie Dieken

Talk Less, Say More: Three Habits to Influence Others and Make Things Happen by Connie Dieken

Review

"Talk Less, Say More has become an integral part of our sales training program. In today's manufacturing environment, our sales engineers must be able to quickly gain mind share of our customers, deliver the appropriate messages, and win new business. Talk Less, Say More provides the communication tools critical for success."

—Dana Fritz, Manager, Global Sales Training Rockwell Automation

"Talk Less, Say More is the answer to become an effective communicator. Connie's principles can be employed immediately to improve both your personal and business interactions."

—Terry Bauer, Corporate Director of Sales Execution Reinhart FoodService

Product Description

Talk Less, Say More is a revolutionary guide to 21st century communication skills to help you be more influential and make things happen in our distracted, attention-deficit world. It's loaded with specific tips and takeaways to ensure that you're fully heard, clearly understood, and trigger positive responses in any business or social situation.

It's the first book to deliver a proven method to master the core leadership skill of influence. Talk Less, Say More lays out a powerful 3—step method called Connect, Convey, Convince (R) and guides you in how to use these habits to be more influential. This succinct book solves your modern communication issues in today's demanding, distracted world at a time when interaction skills are plummeting.

Communication is the single greatest challenge in business today. It takes just 3 habits to conquer it. Talk Less, Say More will help you achieve more with less. Less wordiness. Less tune—out. Less frustration. You'll gain more time. More positive outcomes. More rewarding relationships.

Title page

Contents

Introduction Connect-Convey-Convince

Habit 1: Connect — Managing Attention

10 Signs You May Be a Weak Connector
Why Connect? — Attention Management
- Engage or Be Ignored
- Make It a Habit
- Today's Make-or-Break Skill
- Biggest Blunders: Self-Absorption and Aimless Schmoozing
Stay in Their Moment—Be Fully Present
- Fully Focus on Their Needs
- Three tactics
  - Be Right Here, Right Now
    - TIPS Here are a few pointers for being right here, right now
      - Show respect
      - Don't race ahead
      - Aim for the heart, not the head
      - Don't be a drifter
      - Focus on people, not electronics
      - Watch for eye movement
      - Observe their lips
      - Notice the tongue
      - Adapt your style
  - Listen for Intent
    - TIPS So how do we put this strategy of listening for intent to work?
      - Listen for repetition
      - Take note of emphasis
      - Rephrase as a question
      - Don't take negative questions personally
      - Don't be hijacked in meetings
  - Avoid Code Red
    - TIPS Here are some tips to avoid Code Red when you're feeling off-balance
      - Slow the moving train
      - Follow the law of inverse proportions
      - Self-correct
      - Make mid-course changes
      - Don't defend the indefensible
      - Don't grandstand
- Staying in the Moment with Difficult People
  - Five Tips to Stay Connected With Difficult People
    - 1. Offer options to difficult people
    - 2. Anxious people often hear what they expect to hear
    - 3. Don't sidestep
    - 4. Politely redirect windbags
    - 5. Apologize swiftly and sincerely
- Five Tips to Accept Criticism Like the Masters
  - 1. Keep the criticizer's intent in mind.
  - 2. Ask for clarification.
  - 3. Incorporate what you learn.
  - 4. Fight the urge to jump in.
  - 5. Take their emotional temperature.
- Five Tips to Critique Without Deflating Others
  - 1. Make your point without making an enemy.
  - 2. Don't dodge the truth.
  - 3. Minimize fallout.
  - 4. Use the sandwich technique.
  - 5. Prepare for a meltdown.
Frontload—First Things Fast
- Quickly Nail What's Relevant to the Listener
- The Solution to Rambling
- How to Frontload a Message
  - Tactics and tips
    - Nail the Big Idea
      - TIPS
        
        Don't bury the lead
        
        First words are sticky
        
        Think John Madden
        
        Give it the TV Guide test
        
        Picture an accordion
        
        Tease like a TV producer
        
        Deep-six the laundry list approach
    - Choose Their PMOC (Preferred Method of Communication)
      - PMOC n. Preferred Method of Communication
      - TIPS
        
        What's their magnet?
        
        Deliver as peer-to-peer instead of teacher-to-student
        
        Boost your personal bandwidth
        
        Aim for the heart, not the head
        
        Forget perfect-strive to be relatable
        
        You're Diana Ross; your slides are the Supremes
    - Defuse Defensiveness
      - TIPS
        
        Make your point without making an enemy
        
        Express respect to defuse hostility
        
        Positive wins, so radiate confident energy
        
        Keep smiling
        
        Watch your tone
        
        Consider your state of mind
        
        Don't be a smug mug
        
        Give them options
        
        Make them the hero
        
        Let them take ownership
Goldilocks Candor—Get Ready to Rumble
- The Right Level of Candor Is Crucial to Stay Connected
- How to Use Goldilocks Candor
- Smart Candor Improves Performance and Contributions
- Tactics and Tips
  - Candor Tactic 1: Don't Demoralize
    - Offer solutions, not hostility
    - Don't be the faultfinder
    - Be tolerant of different viewpoints
    - State and listen
    - Don't be careless
    - Crank the volume down a notch
    - Choose a positive tone
    - Contain the outbursts
    - Avoid EUI (e-mailing under the influence)
  - Candor Tactic 2: Don't Sugarcoat
    - Understand why you sugarcoat
    - Introduce candor by asking a question
    - Stop dooming others
    - Don't be selfish
    - Don't be a yes-person
  - Candor Tactic 3: Create a Candid Culture
    - Invite candor
    - Model candor
    - Reward candor
    - Admit mistakes
    - Reach the best answer
    - Avoid fighting words
    - Ask withholders for input
    - Live your values
    - Not on your watch
- How to Take Criticism
  - Ask for clarification
  - Resist the temptation to become defensive
  - Listen for emotion
  - Incorporate what you've learned
Connect Review and Action Plan—Engage to Manage Attention
- Connecting Prevents Tune-Out
- Strategy 1: Stay in Their Moment
- Strategy 2: Frontload

Habit 2: Convey—Managing Information

10 Signs You May Be a Weak Conveyor
Why Convey?—Information Management
- Create Clarity, Not Information Overload with Messages
- Com-mu-niclut_ter ® n. Information Overload Caused by Being Bombarded
- Biggest Blunder: Data Dumping
- Are You Conveying or Confusing?
The Eyes Trump the Ears—Use the Dominant Sense
- A Shortcut to Clarity
- Don't Create Chaos
- Why Do The Eyes Trump the Ears?
- Eyes Trump Ears Tactic 1: Show Contrast
  - Contrast Proves Results
- Eyes Trump Ears Tactic 2: Rethink Powerpoint
  - Too much text
  - Don't Undermine Your Credibility
    - Too many jazzy graphics
  - Tips
    - You're the first visual
    - Fight presentation bloat
    - Cut the noise
    - Use visual shortcuts
    - Guide their glances
- Eyes Trump Ears Tactic 3: Link It, Move It—Use the Social Media
  - YouTube. Grab your popcorn: We're living in the YouTube era
  - Other social media like Facebook, Linkedln, Twitter, blogs, and video podcasts
  - Key to Using Visuals Successfully in the Social Media?
    - Post clear, simple ideas
    - Once you upload it, it's there forever
    - Make it a quickie
    - Don't let your wardrobe overwhelm your message
    - Convey warmth if you're on camera
    - Don't slip into business-speak or industry jargon
Talk in Triplets—Tap into the Trilogy
- The World's Most Powerful Number
- Blah, Blah, Blah. Yada, Yada, Yada.
- Triplets Tactic 1: Preload Three Choices
- Triplets Tactic 2: Think Narrow and Deep
  - The Accordion Structure
- Triplets Tactic 3: Desired Choice First
Tell Stories—Gain Longer Shelf Life
- Stories Inspire and Inform
- Smart Stories Have a Longer Shelf Life Than Mind-Numbing Facts
  - Stories Tactic 1: Tell Success Stories That Feature a Positive Future
    - What successes can you identify in your organization? (Or your personal leadership?)
    - Success stories must have significance
    - Your story should resonate
    - It must be distinctive
    - End on a positive note
  - Stories Tactic 2: Think Simple and Spry
    - Have a clear purpose
    - Anchor it
    - Trim the fat
    - Think execution
  - Stories Tactic 3: Deliver Stories with "Planned Spontaneity"
    - Relive it as you tell it
    - Make it about them, not you
- Portion Control: Manage Your Message so You Don't Bog Others Down
  - Share superlatives when appropriate
  - Try alliteration
- Summary
Convey Review and Action Plan—Use Portion Control To Manage Information
- Conveying Prevents Information Overload
- Strategy: 1 the Eyes Trump the Ears
- Strategy 2: Talk in Triplets
- Strategy 3: Tell Stories
- My Current Approach

Habit 3: Convince—Managing Action

10 Signs You May Be a Weak Convincer
Why Convince?—Action Management
- Influence Others to Act without Delay
- Biggest Blunders Manipulating and Arm-Twisting
- Create Commitment, Not Compliance
- From "Over My Dead Body" to Yes!
- What's Holding You Back?
Sound Decisive—Stop Babbling and Backpedaling
- Sound Like a Wimp and You'll Be Treated Like One
- Habitual BackPedaling Damages Credibility
- Decisive Tactic 1: Stop Tagging and Hedging
  - Tagging
    - Habitual Tagging Sounds Wishy-Washy
  - Hedging
    - Smart hedges
- Decisive Tactic 2: Contribute to Meetings
  - Use planned spontaneity
  - Be direct
  - Invite opposing viewpoints
  - Don't be invisible
  - Get a mentor
- Decisive Tactic 3: Voice Your Opinions With Sincerity
  - Don't sidestep
  - Hit the hot button
  - State the solution
  - Focus on the recipient
  - Don't blame the victim
  - Time is of the essence
  - Don't apologize repeatedly for a single mistake
  - Don't inflict wounds
- It's time to sound decisive
Transfer Ownership—Create Commitment, Not Compliance
- People Should Feel as if They're Volunteering, Not Surrendering
- Let Them Own It and They'll Do It
- Do You Empower or Impede?
- Transfer Tactic 1: Use Peer Power
  - Seek commitment from key influencers
  - Tap into trustworthy, popular people
  - Use an alternating format
  - Get them to take a stand
  - Salt the tip jar
  - Convince yourself first
- Transfer Tactic 2: Reveal Your Reasoning
  - Get out front with it quickly
  - Define, don't defend
  - Put it in writing
  - Get them to write it down, too
  - What if you don't really approve?
  - Let them volunteer, not surrender
- Transfer Tactic 3: Let It Flow
  - Reach out and encourage others to speak up
  - Respond to that feedback
  - Monitor Web entries
  - Use smart Q&A
  - Reinforce urgency
  - Use thoughtful gestures
- Don't underestimate the power of transferring ownership, or you'll underperform
Adjust Your Energy—Start Attracting, Stop Repelling
- People Monitor You for Signals
- Energy Boosts Likeability
- Are You a "Red-Lighter?"
- Finding your authentic energy level
- Influence People to Get Up and Take an Action Step
  - Energy Tactic 1: Your Voice
    - Use vocal variety
    - Shift the speed
    - Use shorter sentences
    - Emphasize action verbs
    - Try the power pause
    - Thin is not in
    - Don't sound kittenish
    - Check the intensity
  - Energy Tactic 2: Your Face
    - Start looking like you care
    - The eyes have it
    - Use the opposite eye technique
    - Don't be flirty
    - Don't look snooty
    - The truth about your smile
  - Energy Tactic 3: Your Body
    - Make it real
    - Don't stifle positive gestures
    - Quiet your lower body
    - Use the power stance
    - Sit on a hip
    - Use stress to your advantage
    - Conquer your mannerisms
    - Get a grip
    - What situations cause you stress?
Convince Review and Action Plan—Earn Commitment to Manage Action
- Convincing Prevents Delays and Inactivity
- Strategy 1: Sound Decisive
- Strategy 2: Transfer Ownership
- Strategy 3: Adjust Your Energy

Putting It All Together—Connect-Convey-Convince

3 Simple but Profound Habits

About the Author

Acknowledgments

“The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not turbulence; it is to act with yesterday’s logic”. — Peter Drucker

The shift from manual workers who do as they are being told — either by the task or by the boss — to knowledge workers who have to manage themselves ↓ profoundly challenges social structure …

“Managing Oneself is a REVOLUTION in human affairs.” … “It also requires an almost 180-degree change in the knowledge workers’ thoughts and actions from what most of us—even of the younger generation—still take for granted as the way to think and the way to act.” …

… “Managing Oneself is based on the very opposite realities: Workers are likely to outlive organizations (and therefore, employers can’t be depended on for designing your life), and the knowledge worker has mobility.” ← in a context

These pages are attention directing tools for navigating a world moving toward unimagined futures.

It’s up to you to figure out what to harvest and calendarize
— working something out in time (1915, 1940, 1970 … 2040 … the outer limit of your concern) — nobody is going to do it for you.

It may be a step forward to actively reject something (rather than just passively ignoring) and then figure out a coping plan for what you’ve rejected.

Your future is between your ears and our future is between our collective ears — it can’t be otherwise. A site exploration starting point

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